Those Crazy Old Bags Made it to 40!

Though we celebrated my parents anniversary when they were here with the rest of the family over Thanksgiving, today marks the actual date that they tied their nuptials 40 long years ago. Vegas is laughing. Nobody took the bet that it would last this long. Most likely, nobody would have touched the over when it posted as 10 years O/U back in 1965, some true risk takers might have thought that they stuck it out until the kids were grown up and out of the house (over 10 years ago) but I guarantee that nobody believed it would last 40 years.
There are various theories as to how they have defied the laws of marriage/divorce for so long, and today is as good a day as any to explore this marvel of modern science. The first thing to consider is that they are both still alive at such an advanced age. They have both outlived my expected time line here on earth, and the fact that my father is still kicking is truly remarkable. Working as a pediatrician in a high-volume, high-stress environment for the better part of four decades takes its toll. Late night phone calls from panicked mothers who can't figure out why little Timmy feels splotchy still after she gave him some Children's Tylenol twenty minutes ago as instructed can have a way of affecting one's sleep pattern. And let's be perfectly fair here, Dad's diet over the last 40 years has not exactly been one that Dietician Weekly would highlight as their Nutritionist of the year in their big year-ending issue (on newsstands now, try to get a copy--good luck). Add to that the high cholesterol and raising four high maintenance kids, and his being alive is nothing short of a medical miracle. But he has made it this far, and as a retiree, he seems to be taking better care of himself, which does not bode well for my mother's long term health.
For the most part Gramma G is pretty healthy. She eats pretty well, and aside from an absolute uncontrollable, incurable addiction to peanut M&Ms, there is nothing pressing to cause us much fear about her long-term prognosis. That is aside from the fact that Dad has nothing to do now, but to look for things to annoy her. Dad is a well-meaning sort, but he has an uncontrollable urge to involve himself in everything, which is fine, because there really isn't much else to do. He eats, sleeps, plays bridge, works out and sleeps, oh yeah and he sleeps. Naps are a big part of his life, but I am convinced that Mom is slipping him a "Mickey" now and again just to get some peace and quiet.
Dad is loud. He has a very strong voice and likes to utilize the volume whenever possible. The real challenge is when you are having a conversation with somebody else and he can't hear. Let's say that you are picking up your parents from the airport and Dad gets the short straw and is sitting in the backseat. The last thing that you would want to do is have a conversation with Mom, because aside from being a necessary participant in every conversation (that may or may not involve him) Dad is as deaf as a post. So instead of just having to listen to him crank the decibels in the Buick up to that of a 747 when he speaks, we all have to talk at that volume. Generally, I just try not to speak in these situations.
But somehow, they make it work. Through the craziness that has become their existence, they have persevered. Mom hasn't killed him off yet, and dad's heart hasn't clogged to the point that it is irreparable, and now that he has retired, perhaps they can crank out another 10 years. Their recipe for success, for all of you out there in the formative stages of your marriage:

• Argue as much as possible over the most trivial things
• Always, always, always make sure that both of you are on the phone at the same time to be certain that all information is received in an accurate and timely manner (and not subject to interpretation).
• Drug your husband after he retires
• Make sure that you are matched up with somebody that realizes that they have nowhere else to go (think of Mayo in an Officer and a Gentleman)
• Replace your dog with a fresh one every time he or she passes away and make sure that the names find a way to keep getting goofier and goofier
• Sing Happy Birthday on the phone to your children every year at 5 in the morning until they are 60
• Don't laugh at Dad's belly (or belly button--dude, that's creepy)
• Be stubborn and right all the time
• Get stressed out for two days before every family vacation and continue the stress level at least the first two days there, calm down for one, and begin the panic for getting ready to depart in just three short days

There are certainly a few more "tricks of the trade," but these should get you to at least 15 years or so. After that, I guess we have to figure it out for ourselves. Either way, I am so happy for both of them. They are nuts (seriously--they need therapy and lots of it), but they are always amusing to me, and I don't know what could possibly be more of a reason for sticking together than that. Someday, Kim will realize the humor in watching them stumble through their golden years, but until then, I will snicker to myself and wait for the opportunity to laugh out loud with her. I hope that you both have a fantastic anniversary. Congratulations on defying the odds and continuing what has been the longest upset streak of my lifetime. I love you both--happy anniversary Mom and Dad!