It Gets More Frightening Every Sweeps Week

I don't know how they do it, I really don't. The TV executives out there, who have redeifined derivative to a point at which, there aren't just not any new ideas, but the completely horrible ideas have gotten to be so universally accepted as credible, that we keep going down a notch, where I didn't believe there were any notches left.
There are a number of contributing factors, and the pundits have all had their takes. 4000 stations out there trying to capture your attention for an extra milisecond to pump up their ratings just enough to justify the advertisers out there to pony up a little extra dough per 30 second spot. The follow the pack mentality that makes up most every business is no different in Television (Hell, in the NFL, when somebody figured out how to stop the West Coast Offense, every defense looked like the Cover-2 the next season). The TV writers out there are strangled in their own creativity because the networks don't want to risk stepping out and losing whatever ratings they cling to.
All of these make sense, but the one overriding reality that we all must face is simple--we are quite possibly the dumbest society that has ever been placed on this earth. I always have understood the need to appeal to the masses, but if the current offering of "entertainment" is an indication of what comprises the masses, it is pretty scary. Now as usual, my comments here will probably offend a good number of you out there who enjoy these shows, so consider yourself warned before you proceed. I, admittedly have not seen a good number of the offerings out there, so to quote my 11th grade English teacher, "Mr. Goldschmidt, your opinion may not necessarily account for a damn, and in this case--it doesn't." (Man, do I miss that guy).
The shows on network TV fall into the following categories at this point: CSI, LANDO, Reality, "Celebrity," Talent searches, Aliens, Cop shows that have no ties to CSI or LANDO families, The White House, really bad sitcoms, and shows about nannies or trading wives.
Let's look at them one by one (and realize that there are a few shows out there worth watching still). Since my opinions don't necessarily account for a damn, I will not bore you with the ones that I still watch. CSI--once a dynamic show that made the world of forensic science fascinating to the masses has grown to a three headed monster in CSIMIAMI and CSINY and of course CSIVEGAS (just called CSI). The change in backdrop doesn't really change the story lines all that much, but it does fill up three hours of valuable prime time network space on CBS as well as the wallet of Jerry Bruckheimer. The original is still mildly entertaining (better characters than the other two) mostly because it doesn't rely on that red headed freak, David Caruso or the over the top accents in CSINY (doesn't CSINY sound remarkably like Sinise--coincidence, I think not). I find it remarkable just how many hot people decide to forego the more traditional jobs of the incredibly attractive to pursue their love of searching for body fluids at crime scenes. Quincy, MD must have had more of an impact than I remember. NBC also stole the whole CSIBOSTON motif with Crossing Jordan.
LANDO (Law and Order) has LANDO (about 15 years worth of shows), LANDOSVU, LANDOCI, LANDOTRIALBYJURY. NBC has just got nothing else going, and it is so sad. Who watches anything on this network anymore? Really, who? Leno is horrible. the writing on the LANDOs has gone the way of the Wooly Mammoth, Fear Factor--freaking Fear Factor, Must watch TV on Thursday featuring "Joey." as the headliner and still cranking out episodes of ER--it's true, I saw a commercial for it the other day during Fear Fact---I mean while rapidly flipping channels. I thought ER was killed off when Clooney left, but apparently nobody told the writers, actors and key grips that it was over. Something like "Office Space" when nobody told that one guy that he was fired for 6 years, but he kept on coming in, and nobody had the heart to tell him that it was over.
Can we please stop making freaking reality shows? There I said it--it needed to be said, so I did. Why do you people keep watching this crap? They drag these things out and show every clip on the previews 50 times before the show actually airs and then they play the same clip before the commercial, and then again after the commercial, just in case your brain couldn't decipher that we were back to the captivating drama. The tribe has spoken--stop making these damn shows. How many times to I need to watch 10 cranky bitches act sweet and coy when the Bachelor shows up before gauging the eyballs out of each other in the house when he leaves and then take turns ratting each other out and wrestling with the agony of whether or not they have done enough to win the prize. The prize of course is the opportunity to continue the relationship three months later after the show has aired, only realizing then that the person you met was a complete jackass when you actually watch the show, and breaking it off the day after the final episode--man is that good reality TV. The only one that worked out was that annoying freak Trista, or Tristen or Krista or something and they made another horrible show out of their wedding.
And this brings us to the Celebrity shows--these are absolutely priceless. Dancing with the Stars, (I saw a clip for Skating with Celebrities coming soon to Fox--that should be just fantastic). First of all, who classifies these inbred freaks as stars. That Trista, Krista, Tristan chick is now considered a celebrity. They make a show trying to somehow find somebody that will marry this annoying tart, finally find a fool (lumberjack or fireman or something) who will, and suddenly, we have to watch more shows with her because she has entered the public consciousness as a Star. What the hell is going on here. Are we going to start seeing five-time champions on Jeopardy finally getting their due and be captivating to the nation? Probably not. Regardless, these celebrity shows are such a joke. They take 10 misfit hacks who are washed up, but you probably recognize them for their 15 minutes in the 80s (Erik Estrada, Vanilla Ice, Jay Peterman from Seinfeld, etc.) and we are supposed to care enough to watch them live together, learn how to skate or lose weight. Who comes up with this crap, and who keeps watching it?
The whole American Idol, So you think you can Dance genre is even more annoying. Who cares if you can dance? How the hell do 50 million viewers keep tuning in to Paula Abdul telling half-wits how talented they are, and then that Simon guy telling them they should go and be a yak farmer in Pakistan? I don't know, but the madness has to stop somewhere.
Speaking of madness, please stop tuning in to the Wife Swap/Meet your new Mommy/Trading Spouses nightmare. And please help me get those nannys off the air as well. It is just so funny when they take a rich, spoiled mother of three from suburbia and make her live with the immigrants who live in the hood with no central air and no rules. Boy does that make for a provocative situation, and I just can't wait to find out what happens next.
All right, I am certain that I could carry on for another 10000 words on this topic, but it has become mundane to write, and probably even more mundane to read. The saddest thing about it all, is that I still watch the damn thing, and am hooked like a smack addict. Once football season is over, I fear that even more of these shows will surface--they always do. I just hope that they don't find another way to lower the bar. There is only so much I can take. By the way, if any of you know where I can get a good deal on a 50" HDTV, I am in the market--nothing like the real-life feel of watching that Trista chick try a triple lutz and falling on her ass.
Josh G