Trauma in Sedona Part IV--Dem Crazy Old Broads

Slowly but surely, cars started to pull out of the parking lot and the line trudged forward until we finally got to the Ranger booth. She was very nice and understanding of our plight. There were a couple of very tight spaces that she had sent the car in front of us to explore and she offered us the chance to try to squeeze in. I explained that the yipping that was coming from the car behind us belonged to us as well and unless we could find two spaces, we would probably be right back. We paid the $7 entry fee and sought a parking spot that would sustain the awesome nature of the Caravan. As we jammed ourselves between a White Tundra and some kind of Chevy Aveo looking thing, five cars pulled out simultaneously--those bastards. We were already parked and the kids and Abby were bouncing off the seats trying to escape the urine scented coccoon that we had found ourselves trapped in for far too long.
We dragged the gang over to Shari's SUV as they filtered out as though their creaky bones could barely sustain stepping down after their arduous drive. The rats were tethered to their leashes and were ferreting about in every possible direction. Abby was going insane as she could smell and hear the rustling water below. At this moment as Abby worked to yank my shoulder out of socket trying to at last get to the creek, everybody decided that we needed to have a bathroom break. For what seemed like an eternity, everybody made their way into the giant holes with toilet seats attached and relieved themselves. Mom slapped on the giant red floppy hat--I can only assume that she had slathered any exposed skin in SPF 200 in the car because I didn't see her rubbing it into her skin in the parking lot. You can only imagine the horror of walking beneath the shade of the trees and canyon and leaving a square inch of skin exposed. Someday scientists are going to find out that rubbing excessive amounts of sunscreen on one's skin will cause liver failure and then she'll be completely screwed. This always happens, by the way. You may as well enjoy your life, eat whatever the hell you want, drink and smoke whatever you want, because the things that supplant what you aren't supposed to enjoy ultimately end up killing you, but just in a different fashion. Take alcohol for example--yes it may cause psorosis of the liver (you can spell check that one for me later), but drinking it in moderation is actually healthy for you and leads to a longer, happier life with less stress. Red wine even aids in digestion, so do what you're going to do, just so long as it makes you happy. For the time being, sunscreen and floppy hats makes Gramma G happy, so who are we to question how silly she looks?
Abby could not be controlled and she bolted down the trailhead as if she had just spotted a Rawhide bone the size of an elephant. The rest of the gang followed back 30 yards or so as we made our way over the bridge. Our general walk goes over this walking bridge and then we head down to the left where the creek runs for a couple of miles. We usually walk about a mile down over a rocky shore and sometimes out into the water over paths of rocks jutting out above the surface. Abby splashes her way around and the kids end up soaked from head to toe, because they cannot resist walking through the frozen water. With our troop today, there was a better than average chance that some or all of our guests would not be able to travel down our usual path, but until they bailed, Abby was determined to lead them along our usual journey.
We walked down the path about 100 yards from the end of the bridge and headed down through the brush to the creek where as luck would have it, there were no other people at this moment. As I tried to make my way downhill over the slippery rocks, Abby was huffing a puffing and doing her best to upend me. As I took one more look over the landscape, I decided to remove the leash and let her run free. As Shari caught up, she let the rats run free as well. Hunter, as always was doing just great. He jumped from puddle to puddle, pretending to try to stay dry for about 10 seconds before immersing himself whenever and wherever possible. Kim was carrying Lauren, but she got down as well and splashed around as much as she could before she was exhausted and needed to be carried again. The rats set out to follow Abby, who was absolutely in her glory. Kim appreciated being freed from carrying Lauren, if only for a moment and did her best to encourage the rest of our entourage (wow, did you ever realize how closely encourage and entourage are spelled. I don't know if I have ever used them in the same sentence--certainly not that close together, but it is really just the difference between a c and a t--who knew? All right--Captain Boggle in DC, I am sure that you knew, but did anybody else?) The bitching and whining started up relatively quickly.
"Are you sure you know where you're going?"
"I don't know if I feel comfortable on these rocks."
"This sure is slippery, I don't know if your mother and I should walk over here."
"How do we get down there?"
"Can we go back to the path now?"
"This is nuts--I don't want to break my arm again."
"Can we have some of that string cheese now?"
It never ended. For somebody who read The Little Engine That Could to her kids as often as she claims, Joany sure didn't get the message of the book, and Gramma G must never have liked that story. The three of them veered us back to the path for a moment and we walked along the sandy path with the dogs back in their harnesses for a few minutes. We convinced them to allow us to return back to the creek when we got to the remains of the old buildings that looked like they had been destroyed by a fire 100 years ago--nobody has ever actually researched the history of this area, so we can only guess what happened, but I try to make up something different every time for the kids--a different style of revisionist history if you will. So before they could work up the energy to fill the air with their hollow and empty protests, we were back down to the creek with the dogs back off their leashes and the kids back in the water up to their ankles. I am not saying that it was necessarily an easy part of the walk. The water was higher than usual. The rocks were quite slippery and rounded, making it difficult to get a good grip with your shoes. The walk forces you to take larger than usual steps in some areas, and occasionally, the soles of your shoes might get moistened, but that is part of the fun.
Gramma G walks about 65 miles a day. There had to be moments on some of these walks where the pavement came to an end, but watching the two of them trying to traverse the simplest of obstacles was like watching a wounded, mentally challenged, hopelessly uncoordinated and awkward 6 month old trying to take her first steps--you want to do your best to help them along and watch them succeed, but deep down, you know that only heartache and pain are around the corner. The bitching continued as they came to each opportunity. Abby kept looking back with that "You gotta be freaking kidding me" look on her face. Shari did her best to keep up and did a relatively good job (certainly better than the Crazy ladies). She was just so excited to see her rats having made it this far without drowning that I don't think she recognized the obvious peril that Joany and Gramma G took great pleasure in pointing out.
We finally got to a point that they had to cross over a 8 foot log that was somewhat wobbly. Realizing that if they slipped off one side or the other, they very well could have wound up with wet shoes or (perish the thought) wet calves, their fear was certainly justified. Kim, Lauren, Hunter and Shari made it across without too much acrimony, but the Old Lady and her four year junior cousin (that was for you Joany--don't expect too much more of that sucking up, because I'm not so good at it.) looked at the log with absolute horror. You would have thought that I was asking them to bungee jump off of Niagara Falls and they both just stood there frozen with fear. I tried to hand a walking stick back to Joany, but she didn't dare reach across the great crevace that faced her. Instead, I walked back across with the walking stick brought it to her and steadied the log with my feet while cheering her across the log that Evil Knievel himself would be reticent to traverse. She managed to make it without incident and handed the stick back to me. I handed it to Gramma G and my confused, paralyzed, floppy hat wearing mother (doubting her sanity and swearing like a sailor the whole way) put one foot in front of the other and made her way to the other side. Her stomach in knots, her hair standing on end, and only the brim of that floppy red hat providing her with the balance that she needed to persevere, she found herself on solid ground on the far side of the log.
After a moment to catch our collective breath, I walked over to the far side of the rocks. This is a point in the walk where we generally have a couple of choices on which way to go. There was a set of large boulders to our right, where Hunter had managed to climb. Just past the rocks was a pretty deep pool of water that had been formed from the melting snow and rain from the past week. On the left was another set of boulders that was about 10 feet high. The dog and rats were going crazy, wanting to press on. Kaylee was trying to follow Hunter, Savannah was climbing rocks like a freak, and Abby was running back and forth between all of them to find out where the best fun might be derived. The frenetic nature of all the animals, children, and crazy old ladies moving in so many directions was starting to create challenges. It became quickly apparent that we could not move past this point on our walk because of all the water that had accumulated, so I tried to herd everbody back toward the sandy path. Getting everybody to listen to me at this moment proved to be easier said than done and as the people began to gather in one location, the sound of a splash, a high-pitched yip and claws frantically scratching for the rocks suddenly made me turn my head.